On the nature of Grief and Change

Recently I have found myself reflecting on the nature of my work as a Doula.

I describe myself as one who supports and guides others through change, evolution, life shifts, rights of passage, birthing and dying, beginnings and endings - both literally and metaphorically. It does not matter how big or small it may be measured, to me it is all relevant. It is all valid and worthy of acknowledgement. It is all that can be guaranteed in life. Change.

And while I recognize the scope of my offerings out in the world may seem diverse, I realize that they each assist two things. A gentle release of what is, to let in what is next. Even if what is next is a liminal space, or a void that is left from what may be a great loss. It must eventually occur, even if in a small way, to enable the next to happen; it is an integral and vital part of the process, whether welcome or other.

However that is, there is one thing I have learned. It will always bring with it, no matter how big or small, grief.

And grief is a process. It cannot be rushed, or forced or controlled. Yes, we humans will certainly try and may even convince ourselves we can. But in the end, if we learn to allow and trust it, it will move us and move through us. Grief will be what it is. Grief will do what it does. It is, in its own way its own entity, yet it resides within us, gently entwined in our very being. It is part of being human. It is the true mirror of how much we love, attach, hold dear.

This is not to say that grief does not hold joy also. No, these two apparent opposites are also so very often gently entwined. It might be the joy that suddenly surges through us, out-of-the-blue, when we remember the loss of a loved one, the special moments. It is joy that may gently await on the other side to the thing that is next. It may be bittersweet. It may be scary, raw, untapped expression, and very often messy, backward and forward and cyclical.

It may be helpful to remember that once it has visited, it will never actually leave. It is not something to get over, or be done with. It remains as part of our heart to remind us that we do love, that we do attach, that we do hold people, animals, nature and possessions dear. and even parts of ourselves. In time, it will change too. And that is ok. It will be a process as long as we are here. To learn to honour its place in our lives, is to help it move us and move through us.

This is the nature of the work that I do. This is why I describe myself as a Doula. It is to support and hold space with and for you, as you navigate the sacredness of change, of letting go, of grieving that which is lost through the letting go, in each of the modalities and mediums I offer. Some choose just one, some all. All are relevant, potent and have their place, and you decide which when we work together.